no matter what i do it will never be good enough
so i went to steve's band practice tonight. i love to watch him play. it's been a while since i've gone, and i think i forgot how much i really enjoy to watch him play. it's like when i look at him so at ease, fingers moving over the frets all the others playing fade into background noise and all i hear, and feel is his playing. i love how he gets into his playing. i love him.
sorry i have been so sucky lately. pms sucks. i feel fat. i hate my hair. i can't wait until it's long again.
keep on loving me. and i'll keep on loving you.
i've never felt anything like this. 4 months and it feels like 4 lifetimes i've been with you.
never leave. promise.
i hope this feeling of you're too good to be true, and i can't believe you are really here, never end. i love laying with you and looking at you and caressing your face, hip, stomach, or back and thinking wow! you are real. and you are mine.
hold my heart, because if i lose you, i lose it too.
i love you more than you can imagine.
so i'm kind of upset i didn't get invited to carrie's party. i'm also upset that the only people i really talk to from my "group" are jessy and porcia. i love them. but i miss vicki and them too. it sucks.
i have steve though. and with him i'm meeting more people than i can keep track of. but i still feel off. they have all known each other for quite some time and i still feel out of place. i try to be social, but i almost always feel shunted aside. the only time i really feel okay is when i'm at practice and it's just michelle there with me.
but maybe i'm imagining things. not sure.
i love you steve. as long as i have you i'm fine.
