http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/721316/

6 mas semanas

whooo!!!!!

can't wait to come home!

its going by quicker than i thought, but still slow as shit.

went to san francisco yesterday.

that was lovely.

i'm 2o.

+1.

and sadly am drunk off 2 glasses of wine.

i got drunk with my auntie donna.

whooooooo.

i ♥ you steven

i'm getting reconstructive "surgery" for my mouth.

eep!

it's going to take about a month i think.

that kind of stinks.

i don't like the dentist.

but at least i get numbing stuff so i won't feel it.

my aunt has lupus.

i'm scared.

no one survives more than about 20 years.

god help us

well, i'm about to go on week three out here. it's still boring as shit. and i have to get my wisdom teeth out. yay for my aunt's dental connections, boo for surgery. i'm scuuuurd. yay for strong painkillers, boo for pain. i don't know. i don't really like people rootin around in my mouth, the only things i want to go in there are food, my tongue piercing, and steve's cock. no sharp objects, knives, etc...

on the upside being bored out of my mind out here has caused me to start drawing again. i still suck, but oh well. and reading alot. i read ALOT. there isn't much else to do. i wish i had photoshop. i need to steal it again. umm, oh and i play more video games, the time consuming ones that suck your life away and you don't even realize it. so the good kind.


things i like about steve:
his eyes
his smile
the smell of his hair
the feel of his touch
his kisses
the way he cares about me and expresses it
the sound of his voice
that he will never leave me
his honesty
his compassion
his body (fake parts included ;))
his dick (mmm yea)
the fact that he is tall...and a bass player
and just about anything else you can think of.


this could be...

but i still won't say it yet.

i still fear that word.

and i'm not ready to let it fall past my lips.

i still feel that word is poison.

but i do not deny what i feel.

it's getting easier to be here. but i still want to go home to my baby. we are going to be looking for apartments when i get back. so hopefully i will finally be able to move out. i know some people would think its not a good idea to move out with your boyfriend so early in a relationship, but i don't really care. and it won't be soon after i get back, just soon enough, my mom is looking to sell the house anyway, and i don't think that her, my sister, and myself could live in such a small space. because she wants to get an apartment. won't work out. so i'm moving out. end of story.



p.s. i'm falling hard, and fast. he's all i think about, he's all i dream about. i don't dare say it yet, but it could just be...

"Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good
Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all"

i know you don't like the song baby, but read the lyrics cause this part makes me think of you

♥

"your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.
do you know your unlike any other?
you'll always be my thunder.
i said,
your eyes are the brightest of all the colors.
i don't ever want to love another.
you'll always be my thunder."


♥

is it september yet?


i miss...
the comfort of being in your arms.
the feeling of my hands in yours.
the taste of your kiss.
the smell of your hair.
the feeling of our bodies intertwined.
the sound of your heart beat.
the rhythm of your breathing.

most of all i just miss being around you. i miss your presence. i feel a feeling of comfort and relief when i'm around you. i feel safe. i feel warm. i feel cared for.

i want to see you again, and be in your arms, i want to sink into the deepest of sleeps listening to rhythm of your heart beat and of your breathing. i feel as if your arms were made for me to be in. i'll never let you go. i promise you that.

i give you my heart to hold, and care for. i know you won't break it, or abuse it. my intentions are pure and honest. i will never lie, i will never cheat, nor will i cheapen what we have.

i wish it wasn't so hard for me to speak these words aloud, but it sometimes is, so all i have is my writing. and i can assure you it is always the honest and raw form of myself. i may not be a songwriter, or a poet or a storyteller, but i always put my heart into this.

i am yours. for as long as you would have me.

when i watch postsecret videos i get chills. i think it is a truely beautiful project. i miss my baby. i just needed to write tonight. it's truely lonely out here. i miss being able to go when i want. i'm glad it's a long weekend. my aunt will be around and i won't feel so alone out here.

i can't wait to be in your arms again. and kiss you. and sleep beside you. and wake up next to you. i'm counting down the days till i can see you again babydoll. and i can't wait to hear my song. and show you your picture. please don't forget me while i'm away. and i won't forget you. i've only really been with you a week and only 3 days of it were spent together, but you make me so happy dear.

it's funny though. i told myself i was going to take a year off dating. cause i couldn't emotionally handle it. i begin to feel smothered and trapped. then i feel as if i lose myself, the very core of my being. exactly what makes a person fall for me in the first place ends up gone. down in some deep hole in my being, locked in a box. i was afraid to get into relationships for that. i didn't like losing me for 'you'. i wanted to be free. i wanted to do as i please. but...

sometimes the best things in life are the ones we don't plan for. cause i wasn't planning to date you. but it happened, and i could't be happier. don't leave me, and don't hurt me, my heart is still fragile and can still break again easily. it hasn't fully mended but i know you can help fix my frail heart.






i could fall in love with you.



and i would let it happen.



you are truely amazing.

i really like to watch people. especially at the airport.

it's really beautiful to see.

i arrived in san francisco at about 12:15pm pacific time. i'd like to mention that i hate to fly, let alone descend over the bay. forget that i like my feet firmly planted on the ground. so anyway i ate some lunch then wandered away to find a smoking area. reduced to a 10ft by 5ft box, i sat on a bench in departures to smoke. i decided with no where else to really go i would just hang out there for a while. well i watched people say their goodbyes with their hugs and their kisses that it felt like a dagger in my heart. i felt that my goodbyes were not sufficent enough. i didn't make enough effort to see people before i left. so with my stomach in knots after seeing one particular couple not wanting to part (and made me think of my goodbye with steve where i stayed in his arms for one moment longer, trying to make it last forever), i meandered my way down to arrivals (i love the luggage claim for some reason, though i had none of my own i like to watch the unclaimed luggage spin)

sitting in departures made me sad, sitting in arrivals made me lonely. i got the odd phone call or text here and there and that seemed to help pass the time. but i was still lonely. i'd sit on the bench (in my now 12ft by 5ft green box) and watch the people waiting for their loved ones and friends to arrive and take them to where ever it is they are going. i'd watch the people embrace like they haven't seen each other in years. maybe in some cases they haven't. i like seeing that. it makes me look forward to my aunt finally getting there.

i continue to sit in the same spot for hours, getting up once to use the bathroom, then resuming my spot on the bench. after no human contact for what seemed like eternity and gentleman came up to me and asked me for a cigarette. so i hand him one and give him my lighter and he tells me he has been traveling for the last 28 hours, so i ask where he was from and if this was his final destination. he tells me he is from kenya and he was on his way to berkley. i asked if he was visiting friends or family, you know the usual questions (it was friends). he asked if i was going to vote for obama, and such. then i asked him how he liked being in the states. he says very much so, it is very liberal here. i kind of chuckled in my head seeing as we had to sit in a green outlined box just to smoke. but then again, i should be lucky to have my green smoking box and my smokes in general. his ride then showed up and he left.

about an hour or so after the gentleman from kenya left i started chatting with a woman from anchorage, we chatted about traveling and waiting around at airports and her boyfriend and my boyfriend. i asked her about alaska, and she asked me about chicago. it was nice idle chit-chat. finally my aunt arrives at about 6:30pm (still pacific time) i've been up since 4:30am my time. shitty. let me tell you though, the drive back to her house from san francisco is beautiful. i wish it wasn't so dark out so i could have taken pictures. but oh well.


good night.

i leave in the morning. see you all in september! i love you all and will miss you so so so much