It's as though this boy and I are meant to be. We keep hating each other only to return shortly after. When will it end? Will it even end? I don't understand you, or us, or even myself. I ask myself those haunting question everytime. Why do we keep going back? What is it about you or I? Why you? It makes no sense most of the time. I don't love you, and you don't love me. If that is the case then why are we always there to catch each other as we fall? I guess that is how it will be.

You and I, For Always.

Heartbroken

You might not be his first, his last, or his only.
He's cared about someone else before and possibly will again,
but if he cares for you now, then what else matters?
He's not perfect and you aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect,
but if he can make you laugh at least once,
hold onto him & give him the most you can.
He is probably not going to quote poetry,
he might not be thinking about you every second of the day,
but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break.
So don't hurt him,
don't change him
and don't expect more than he can give.
Don't over analyze,
smile when he makes you happy,
yell when he makes you mad,
and miss him when he's not there.

So in the last couple of weeks it has become harder to distinguish reality from a dream. That, and I've become confused on whether I am awake or not. I go through the motions everyday. I get up; I get ready; I go to school; I come home; if I work, I go to work; if not, then I stay home on the computer; I go to sleep at the same time; I watch the same shows. It's as though it is already planned, it's always the same. Nothing ever changes. It's all so predictable. As though I'm in some sort of bad dream. I wish I could wake up...

This isn't really happening.
Sunshine Killer

Poison of choice: H.I.M. Fortress of Tears
Weapon of choice: Dreams.

Joyce and I have decided to do a duet for the solo/ensemble competition. Yay for us. Joyce will be singing the soprano part, or part one, and I will be the alto part, or part two. I am super nervous about this seeing as I don't do these types of things. Oh well. By the way, my concert tonite went quite well. Go me, oh and the rest of the Varsity Choir. Go us then...IDK. Peace Out.

Lovely lovely night,
Sunshine Killer

Poison of choice: Sing me to heaven running through my head.
Weapon of choice: My voice.

Today should be two months.
















Should be...












But technically, it's not.









I think I care for him much deeper than I thought.



...................................I don't think, I know...

Of all things I could have noticed at 10 in the morning it had to be how nice my boobs look...LOL. Oh well. Leave it to me to notice that. Work at 10:30 then home around 3, then cleaning, then I don't know what.

Love always,
Sunshine

Poison of choice: H.I.M., Funeral of Hearts (Acoustic)
Weapon of choice: BOOB OF DEATH!!!

Just tell me you love me, even if you don't mean it.

For hearts are often broken by words left unspoken...

Live.

Laugh.

Love.

Dream.

But it's pouring in my heart...

♥

Take me to where the sun shines all the time...

I hate myself right now.


I want things to work out.


I hope they do.



Everything happens for a reason...

Be with me, I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I'll be so broken...

Fuck me...I hate things. ummm... Going to see Sin City tonite, I really only want to see it because the girls in that movie are really hot... Dave Hummel (fag) kept calling me a lesbian after I said I would date G-reg's GF. Eh.

Love always,
Sunshine

Poison of choice: The Faint, Glass Danse
Weapon of choice: Squirrely Wrath

Yea...Another sleepless night. I really hate this. I should get like sleeping pills or something. IDK. Whatever

...It was cold that day atop the grey grassed hill. The breeze blew across, sending chills up the spine of that lonely boy sitting under the solitary tree. He looked down at his dirt stained hands, while his shaggy black hair blew across his eyes. A single tear shone in his pale blue eyes that were hidden behind thick framed glasses. The boy's arms were covered in scars from scratches made into his ashen flesh. He wore a faded black hoodie over some band's t-shirt, the name had long since washed out. His jeans were a blue that had turned dirty due to constant wear. Solemnly he began to pick at the loose threads in his shoes, which were none other than black.

...This forsaken boy rose from his spot and pulled out a pocket knife, turning to the tree he began to carve away at the bark. The single tear he had held in his eye slowly rolled down his cheek. Soon one became few, then he was consumed by pain and shook with his cries. Though he was devoured by tears, and trembled uncontrollably he continued to stab and carve at the bark of the tree.

...When he had finished his whittling at the tree, he put up his hood and walked away. No one knows where he went from there, but his message stood out loud and clear:

Fucking time changes. It takes me a week to get used to them. Then 6 months later, it changes again. My body thinks it's only 1, when its definitely 2. I have to be up in 4 hours for school.

Goddamnit.

I love movie "magic." So I just got done watching Roger and Hammerstein's Cinderella. And somehow Woopi Goldberg, and Victor Garber have an Asian son. I have no idea how that works. Thought I'd let you know that.

So this is my prom dress...I'm HAWT!!! 

Well it has been a good run this time. I didn't have to watch the little sister at all. And I own my own car in this one. Starting it out a full day and 1/2 before it should have was amazing as well. Seeing as when there is no school I can stay out much later. There's beauty in the break down.

Thursday- We and by we I mean the choir dorks, Chris, Erin, Steve, Zach and myself, go to Colonial Cafe, and spend money we don't have. But I surprised Zach with a trick gift of Starburst cleverly hiding Hershey's Kisses (that's copyrighted, bitches). So after that Steve and I go do our own thing, and meet up at Zach's house around 7ish (I got real into Tekken 5 and Steve had to drag me away.) So more of us music losers hung out at the Johnson's. By more I mean in addition to the 5 that were already there (including Steve and I), we ended up with about 8 more people, give or take a few. So that was my Thursday. Oh and I remember something about finals, and leaving at 10:30.

Friday- I don't really remember what I did, I recall ending up with Vicki at Wendy's, then Dave meeting me there. Then we went back to my house.

Saturday- I don't remember this day.

Sunday was Easter. I hated the day. I finally saw Donnie Darko.

Monday- I went out with Vicki to get my prom dress. We at lunch at the Manor with Jessy and Carrie, then did some really boring stuff.

Tuesday- I'm pretty sure I hung out with Marie and we drove around with Sam, Greg, and Brett (who was high off spray paint fumes on accident) for about 5 hours or something along those lines. It was a really long time.

Wednesday- I watched Donnie Darko for the second time, with Marie. Drove some kids to the theatre, then drove Marie home. Then I picked up the kids. I spent this day at home.

Thursday(the second one)- I went up to Milwaukee for the day with Vicki, Jessy, and Carrie. It was so much fun, we had wonderful girl time. We met up with Dave, then drive home. and get lost.

Friday- I spend my whole day at home, waiting for 4 o'clock to roll around so I can leave my house for the night. It does. I get stuck in traffic, but I have the most amazing night of my life with Dave. We watch LOTR ROTK EE. (figure that one out, bitches) We kiss, we hug, we cuddle, he tells me I'm beautiful, we fall asleep, well I fall asleep, with him.

Saturday- I spend the whole day with Dave in his dorm room. We beat eachother up in the stupid flirty way, and we kiss, and we cuddle, and he just gives me a wonderful day that I wouldn't trade for the world. (see previous post).

So that was it. This one was a good one. Though I don't really remember what I did last time. It doesn't matter. Because this one was good, great, AMAZINGLY awesome. I realized a lot of things, and just had a wonderful time talking with friends, driving around, and being with my boyfriend.

Love always,
Sunshine
"There's beauty in the breakdown"

The last 24+ hours I just spent with you were the happiest, and most fun that I have had in a loooong time. You always know just what to say, and just what to do to make me feel wanted, and cared for. I love it when you hold me close, and pull me near, I love the way you kiss me on the forehead, and lightly touch my back (even though you know what it does to me...), and I love so much to hear you tell me I'm beautiful. You are everything I've wanted and so much more. Even though we beat eachother up, and we can be mean, it doesn't matter because it is all in good fun. And when you make fun of me for being fat, I know you don't really mean it (at least I would hope you don't). Well I just hope that I make you as happy as you make me. I'm head over heels, and absolutely crazy for you baby.

♥,
Sunshine

Well. I am up in Milwaukee. Hiding in Dave's dorm room. I'm here for the night. :) I miss my boy so much when he's not around. But that's what I get for dating someone who goes to school 2 hours away. Though I reap the benefits of the fact that, yes, we see eachother once a week if we are lucky, but the time he and I spend together is so much more precious than if I saw him nearly everyday. I think thats why Will and Jesse got boring after a while. I go to school with them, then I see them after school, etc. With Dave I can only see him on weekends. Which does kind of suck. But it's alright. The time he and I have together is more worthwhile (one word? two? IDK). Tonight I get to spend with my baby. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. I think I just might be falling for him. Falling head over heels into love. It's too soon to tell, but you never know. (I'm kind of hoping I am, this one is worth it.)

So you know. I've been up to the usual, chillin' wit ma homies. LOL kidding. But I have been hanging out with my friends a lot more lately. Yesterday Vicki, Jessy, Carrie, and I drove up here just to walk around and see the sights. It was a great time. I found a really awesome book store that I just loved. It's things like that that make me want to live up here. That and the fact that my boyfriend lives here too...that's just a bonus...kidding, it would be the main reason I'd want to move here. but shhh, don't tell Dave. ;)

So that's the run down. Oh and I bought my prom dress back on Monday. I absolutely love it. So when I get pictures of me in it I will post them for sure. So that's about it for now.

Love always,
Sunshine

Poison of choice: None
Weapon of choice: Acrylic Nails