sometimes i feel like i am an observer. i can't be in public without just watching what is going on around me. so it's been a nice relatively quiet day at home. my mom is having issues with her man friend. i started on the next part of my tattoo on my ankle. and my love steven is at band practice. so i've spent my evening reading, and playing guitar hero. whooo!

so this is personal. and even though i know steve will read it. it's okay.

i'm afraid i'm going to wake up and my time with steve has been just a dream. i never thought someone so amazing could exist. i'll never get tired of writing the endless compliments about him. cause i'm finding it really hard to think of a single flaw he could have. he's sweet, and funny. he's cuddly despite all the bones that protrude! hehe. he can be goofy, and when i do something stupid i can laugh it off with him and not feel like a total ass. which is something i have a hard time doing with guys cause i get really nervous sometimes and really self conscious. like the lightsaber incident. (i still giggle when i think about it.) he can whisper those sweet words to me and they mean the world, he could repeat them over and over again until the day i die and they would still mean as much to me as the first time he said them.

sometimes i fear i fall in love too fast. cause well, all my "love" relationships happened so fast and lasted only so long then ended horribly. i think i would fall apart at the seams if this one ended at all. and god i will kick myself for typing this. but i will anyway cause i don't know how to address this to him verbally. but i sure hope he is IN love with me. cause there is a difference. and i don't want this one to be surface love. i want it to be real.

well i've been home for a little over a month. it's been really nice being home. especially with steve.

i am so crazy about him. it's so great to finally be with a nice guy. i love being with him. every little thing about him makes me so happy. i love cuddling with him while watching a movie. and even though i hate being tickled i like our tickle fights, and licking fights (i know it sounds gross). and i love the sex. yes it's amazing. i didn't think someone so amazing could exist. but apparently he does. and he's all mine. for the rest of my life.

i love you steven.