I'm sick, send me flowers bitches.

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW


I hate being sick...

Any fool can play executioner for a day and say, with fingers pointed in both directions, "He went that way!" It's only a switch or syringe, exempt from eternal sins, but you still wear a cross and you think you're gonna get in, saying, "It's not a hit, it's a holiday..."

I'm a melodramatic son of a bitch, who doesn't know when to shut up, or even why to shut up. I'm under and over-sexed in the worst kind of way, and burning inside and out for that one to say those sweet sweet words I want to hear. I'm over-dressed, and under the weather. From the inside and outside you'd see only what you want to see, and nothing more. I'm over worked, but I have no job. I love too much, and laugh too little, and get attached to easily, and letting go is too hard. I smile when I should frown, and vice versa. I'm one over-emotional girl, and I cry way too much for my own good. I love to dress up, and I'll dress down, I'd walk out wearing my prom dress just to get a laugh or three. I'm not witty, or funny, nor classy, or trendy. I walk, and talk, and dress what can be thought of as "normal". I wear old clothes, and don't buy more. I keep old friends, and forget them when I get new ones. I like sex, but I'm not a whore. I go to school on days I wake up. I stay up too late, and get up too early. I drink too much coffee, and pop, and alcohol, and am on a caffiene fix that doesn't stop. My world keeps spinning, despite what happens. No rain, or snow, or "natural disaster" can slow me down. I read too many books, and watch too many movies. I am too often bathed in the glow that is my computer monitor. I smoke too much, and drink too little, I dream big dreams, but live too small. I'm too short, or too tall, but it doesn't really matter in the end.

'Cause in the end, it's all the same. I am you, and you are me. We never truely hate the ones we love, and we love the ones we hate. Friends we've made years ago, will always be in our hearts, and someday will appear again. Maybe ten, maybe twenty years down the line, but they will be there, and memories will always live on in your heart. For no one truely dies, until there is no one left to carry on their memory.

I swear if she hurts him, she will regret it for the rest of her life. I will make sure of that.

I think the Faint changed my life...


LOL.

I can't stop listening to them lately. eep.





I love Casual Sex.
what?

Life is beginning to take a horrible toll on me.

Just existing at 18 is hard.

I wish I could be stronger, and I wish things worked out easier. I don't want things to be hard for me. I owe more money than I can make on one paycheck. I have a great boyfriend who I don't get to spend time with, friends I can't see because we have schedule clashes. A job that I hate more than anything and just doesn't understand what it is to be sick. School which is hard to just maintain because of work. A father who doesn't understand. A family that is broken.

and a very sick grandfather that I love more than anything, and has been like a father to me, and he isn't expected to make it to the summer, and we can't make it down there to see him.

I guess all I can do it just keep moving on. And appreciate all the good in my life. Like the times I do get to spend with Trent. Those times where my friends and I can see each other. When work is okay. When my family is not fighting. When my grandfather somehow pulls through again and is going to be alright.
Maybe in some ways I am beginning to believe in God, or some kind of higher power. He has given me all these trials in my life. Trials for me to go through, and still manage to come out on top, and always better than before. Maybe He is testing me in a way I'm not yet sure of. But if there is a God, I know He is looking out for me, and will never give me more than I can handle.