it's been 3 years almost to the minute since i found out. and my heart has not stopped hurting. i miss you so much. i wish you didn't have to leave us so soon. you were too young to go. i wanted to do so much more with you. i never got to visit you in florida. i never called you one last time to say i love you. i hope you know that i love you so much. you were like another father to me. i still think about you all the time. i buy pic nics often, and when i smell popcorn cooking sometimes i can't help but cry a little. i think often of the good times i had with you. but my heart still aches knowing you are gone. i am sorry i did not make more of an effort to talk to you and know you more. i regret that every single day. promise me on my wedding day you will be watching. i wanted you to walk me down the aisle with dad to give me away. i never told you that. but i did.

i love you so much.
i pray you are in peace.

1939-2006

god i hope it's not.

i am a waitress.

not a babysitter.
not a parking lot attendant.
and sure and hell not your mother.

i love red wine.

i had a good line to write earlier. i forgot it.

i love you, steve

what more does she want from me. she would leave me stranded and not help me because i don't pay rent and help her. so apparently i understand when i'm older why she left me in the middle of randall instead of bringing me a gas can for my car.

bitch

no matter what i do it will never be good enough

so i went to steve's band practice tonight. i love to watch him play. it's been a while since i've gone, and i think i forgot how much i really enjoy to watch him play. it's like when i look at him so at ease, fingers moving over the frets all the others playing fade into background noise and all i hear, and feel is his playing. i love how he gets into his playing. i love him.